CounselingBlog

Are you having a spat?

I suspect most folks do not like to argue.  I know, some people are really good at it, and some people seem to enjoy conflict.  But the vast majority of us would rather not fight with the ones we love.

I am the type of person who wants to stick with a fight/argument/disagreement (pick your favorite term) until it is settled.  I think if I keep after it, my logic and desires will surely prevail.

So I was very interested to learn about some research on arguing from  The Gottman Institute   In case you don't know the Institute, or its founder John Gottman, it is a research center in Seattle.  They have an apartment set up with microphones and cameras, and couples go stay for the weekend.  While they are there, their actions and interactions are recorded, then studied. 

When people argue, they get anxious or upset, and  their heart rate increases.  The Gottman researchers found that if your heart rate is over 100 beats per minute, you cannot think flexibly, negotiate, or solve problems very well.  So they suggest that couples take a break from each other and the issue - say 15 minutes or so - and come back together at a designated time to resolve the issue.  This break allows the heart rate to go down, the mind clears a bit, and makes resolving problems easier.  Couples that practice this "time out" technique have more successful problem resolutions.

So... folks like me who want to stick with the disagreement until it is worked out are actually being counter productive.  We need to step away, take a walk, water the plants, do the dishes, whatever works.  Then, at an agreed time, come back together to work on the problem.

In my work with couples, I often talk with them about taking a break during an argument, and it does seem to make a difference.  If you try this, I would love to know how it works for you.  You can leave me a comment on this post, or contact me through my website www.CynthiaMcKennaCounseling.com  or drop me an email:  Email Cynthia McKenna

Heirloom Tomatoes

One of my passions is growing Heirloom Tomatoes - I have around 20 varieties, and I am hoping for a BIG harvest this year.

Like most tomato growers, I anxiously await the first ripe tomato.  I plan when to pick it, how I will eat it, and most of all, how good it will taste. 

On Friday, I saw five almost-ripe tomatoes, and although the tomato experts (like Dr. Carolyn Male) say you can harvest them as soon as the color is 1/2 up the fruit, I decided to leave them on the vine.

Well, they are gone.  Disappeared!  The most likely culpret is Tallulah, my 2-year-old yellow Labrador.  She has a particular fondness for tomatoes, and though she hardly ever gets in trouble, i think she decided SHE needed the first tomatoes of the season.

If you want to learn more about heirloom tomatoes, I highly recommend, "100 Hierloom Tomatoes for the American Garden" - By Dr. Carolyn J. Male.

I am going to Tractor Supply later to get more fencing.

An Invitation

I have been reading a lot about marketing and ways to get "noticed" on the www.  One constant mantra is "become an aritcle writer," 

Why write?
You get to say something about your passions and areas of expertise.  The process of writing something down helps solidfy my knowledge, and sometimes gives me interesting insight into my own work.  It also helps educate others about indeas that I think are important.

From a marketing standpoint, posting articles helps establish an identity and credibility.  Using free article submission, like the fabulous  EzineArticles.com  your articles are published quickly and can then be picked up by others who post them on their own sites.  The trick here is to write a good resource box - your author bio - so folks will visit your website once they finish your article.  Your article becomes an invitationto to visit your website and learn more.

While I am thinking about EzineArticles.com  I want to mention their "author blog."  You'll find great tips there as well as the fantastic information from Christopher Knight - the guy behind EzineArticles.com  Well worth reading.

Finally, write a lot of articles - it really makes a difference.  I can't quite explain this, but when I had 10 articles on the web, I had so-so traffic.  When I went to 12 articles, my triffic improved on all the articles.  There is probably some great mathematical idea behind this, all I know is that it really makes a difference - so keep writing.

Business Coaching

I love reading Tom Peters' Blog - his insight has helped me and I try to pass on his ideas and knowledge to my coaching clients.  Tom Peters offers a lot of free information on his website - really useful downloads that can help give you a nudge when you need one.  I love his 100 Ways to Succeed/Make Money  There are actually only 50 tips on this free download, and you can read it in one or two sittings.  It is part excellence coaching and part good business sense. I think these 100 Ways are helpful for folks who are not running a business - there is good wisdome to glean here.

I hope you check it out.

Great Ideas - Get Organized Now

I came across this website a few weeks back, and I have really enejoyed it.  It is called "Get Organized Now 

One of their links is called Checklist and it gives you an organizational idea for each day of the month.  I haven't been able to do all the things they suggest, but I have incorporated some of the checklist items - with great success.

They also offer a newsletter that I subscribe to - I love finding new ways to do things, to make my life easier.  And my clients always welcome a tip to get more organization in their lives. 

I am not associated with this website, but it has helped me and I hope you'll enjoy it as well.

Cynthia

Welcome

Here is the new CounselingBlog - a place to find news, information, articles, and more.  I am really looking forward to posting new information and some of my counseling and life coaching articles.  Two years ago, I had no idea what a "blog" was, and now I have my own -

Please look around the site, and leave feedback!

Cynthia

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Cynthia McKenna LPC, NCC

www.cynthiamckennacounseling.com