CounselingBlog

Blog Guilt

I love to write.

One of my favorite aspects of running my business is writing.

I have been very happily busy.  Busy with clients, busy with autumn chores, busy with friends - October has been a great month.

However, I have not been writing - not my blog, not articles, not newsletters...nada.

So as I turn the calendar to November, I am promising more writing, more reflection, and more time to spend doing things I love.

I have some plans for how that will take shape, but I am keeping them under wraps for now.

Happy Halloween dear readers,
Cynthia
*************
Cynthia McKenna, LPC, NCC
Creating Healthy Relationships
 www.cynthiamckenna.com
CounselingBlog

Emotional Honesty

I am preparing a workshop for the spring - on surviving an affair.

As I ponder the many ways a couple can find themselves facing infidelity, my mind keeps coming back to the idea of emotional honesty.

When one partner starts getting his/her needs met outside the primary relationship, it is a clue that something isn't working in that primary relationship. Something needs to be addressed, and remains unspoken, something shifts, but no one brings it up.

I think many couples avoid saying the hard things like, "You seem distant - what are you feeling?" or even harder, "I am not feeling close to you right now, and I don't know what to do."

Neither partner says anything, in hopes the problem will go away.  No one says anything because they don't want to start an argument.
No one says anything because they aren't sure what to do.

The thing is, if couples can get on the same side, and face problems together, the problems can be solved, dealt with, or disarmed. 

In some relationships, couples avoid the problem long enough to put their relationship in crisis.

As I work this afternoon, I am wishing that each of us find a place of emotional safety, a place where we can be honest with ourselves and our partners. 
The sooner we can establish this "safety zone" the sooner we can begin solving problems.

Cynthia
*************
Cynthia McKenna, LPC, NCC
Creating Healthy Relationships
www.cynthiamckenna.com
www.counseling.typepad.com

Down Time

It is almost the end of October, and I am very conscious of the shifting of the light.  We go to Standard Time next weekend - which pleases me greatly as I am not a fan of Daylight Savings Time. 

I can feel the cool temperatures creeping in, as they do in S. Texas.  I know it won't be too long and I'll be dragging plants inside for the winter, and plotting my spring garden.

Many of my clients are professionals, folks with Blackberrys and daytimers and more to do in a day than many people do in a week.

As we work together to find the balance between reaching for excellence and staying grounded in the present, I sense the struggle that this balancing act creates.

Of course, this isn't just clients, I see friends and family doing the same - working to improve their lives and wondering what it costs in return.

I am a fan of resolutions, and I am wondering about making my own mid-October resolution to slow down a bit, get to bed a bit earlier, take a few more walks in the cool autumn air, play with the dogs and cats, write letters to friends.

We live in a society that says the goal is everything.  We would be wise to acknowledge that the life we have is now, today.  The journey is the point, the end goal a happy destination and something that can propel us forward.  But today is today. 

Stay in the present.  Listen to what your family, friends, co-workers are actually saying - look them in the eye, sit down and have a cup of tea with them.  The journey is where our lives are lived.

Cynthia
**************
Cynthia McKenna, LPC, NCC
www.cynthiamckenna.com

Welcome

Casey Truffo, a wonderful coach who speciailizes in helping therapists who want to grow their practice, stopped by my blog yesterday during her teleseminar.

It was really a treat, for me, to have you all take a look at my blog.  I developed CounselingBlog before I had my ideal client in mind - and so you'll find a variety of topics here.

I actually like the broader focus, because it is more fun for me to write about whatever I want - but  from a marketing standpoint, I probably should have narrowed the focus.

As it is, I try to write something of a self-help nature every other post, and then just my general musings in between.

I am glad you all stopped by - I hope you'll leave a comment (just click on the comment below) and let me know you were here.  Be sure to list your website address under your name -

Here is all our successes!  And a huge THANK YOU to Casey for her knowledge and generous spirit.  for more info on Casey Truffo, visit her on the web:  http://beawealthytherapist.com
Cynthia
*************
Cynthia McKenna, LPC, NCC
Creating Healthy Relationships
www.cynthiamckenna.com
www.counseling.typepad.com

Balancing

This summer was unusually hot and dry for Central Texas.  The wild grasses around my house turned brown and died.  We were on water rationing, so even the flower beds barely survived.

About a month ago, the weather cooled off and we got some much needed rain. It was joyous.

Now the once dead grasses are thigh-high in spots and the weed eater is no match for them.

It is so interesting to me how the earth renews herself.  I was certain that I would only have dust and dirt around the house, and now you can't really even see the ground because of all the overgrown grass.

It has restored my faith in nature - that the earth can heal itself even without my interference. 

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that the earth will repair years of over harvesting, dumping waste, landfills overflowing with plastics and toxic chemicals.  We have to actively work to preserve the earth and air, It worries me greatly to hear of ice caps melting, etc.

But what has come to my consciousness is that my wanting to water the native grasses did not bring them back - only soaking rains and cooler weather allowed the grasses to turn green again.

it reminds me that there are powerful forces at work - and I can help or hinder them - but it will benefit me to pay attention to them.

It is worth noticing the beauty that surrounds us in every season.

Cynthia

Get Motivated Now

The dogs are itchy and woke me up at around 4:00 this morning - scratching away.  When I put them out, I recognized that my brain was in-gear and I was not going back to sleep.

I have spent the last two hours catching up on some reading and pondering my day.

My counseling practice is going well, and I have had a busy week.  I have plenty of little tasks on my desk that need some attention before I head back to work tomorrow.

The tomatoes and the water garden are also in need of some TLC.  Then, of course, the dogs need baths (anyone want to come wash three 70 lb. Labradors?)

I write all this because there is a gap between what I need to do and what I want to do. 

I want to go to breakfast and then plop in front of FoodTV for the rest of the morning.

It isn't a bad plan - given that I have been busy....  no, wait, I am rationalizing.

The space between working on my business and tending my spirit is an important one.  Sometimes, those two overlap - that is a very productive time.  Today, they are not intersecting, so I am going to compromise.  I will work diligently this morning, and take the afternoon and evening off.

or,

I will work somewhat diligently with frequent breaks to see what's cooking on FoodTV.

or,

I'll go get another cup of coffee and watch the sunrise.  Mmmmm.  That is first on my "to do" list.

So, dear readers, what do you do when there is a gap between what you need to do and what you want to do? 

I would love to have your feedback.  Post a comment below, or drop me an email.

Happy Sunday,
Cynthia
*************
Cynthia McKenna, LPC, NCC
Creating Healthy Relationships
www.cynthiamckenna.com

www.counseling.typepad.com