CounselingBlog

Tired of Resolutions that Fail? Tips for New Year’s Resolution Success

Many people make New Year’s resolutions, but find that they have a hard time keeping them. Is there a better way to make resolutions? Experts say yes. 

Each New Year, Cynthia McKenna, therapist and owner of Cynthia McKenna Counseling and Life Coaching at http://www.cynthiamckennacounseling.com , helps individuals and couples make resolutions that they can keep by taking a holistic approach to resolution making.

According to McKenna, “Many people focus on what is “wrong” in their lives. This kind of resolution-making is loaded with guilt, because if you don’t achieve what you set out to do, you can feel a sense of failure.”

McKenna encourages her clients to look at resolutions in terms of living a more balanced life, and then ask themselves what changes will make that happen. “Instead of simply focusing on getting up early to exercise or losing those 15 pounds, take this opportunity to think about the life you would like to have, and then, take steps to begin to live that life.”

McKenna suggests looking at your life in broad categories such as: Physical Environment, Career, Money, Health, Relationships, Personal Growth, Fun and Recreation, Emotional Balance. These are aspects that contribute to an overall sense of well-being and also can influence emotional and physical health. 

“Now you have your categories,” McKenna continues, “What can you do in each area to make your life better? What qualities of a full and meaningful life do you want to include in your list? This list can include things you might not be doing yet, but that you value and want to work toward.”

Taking that goal of losing 15 pounds, your list might look like this:

Physical environment

• I keep healthful foods in the house
• I allow myself an occasional treat
• I subscribe to a health magazine

Health

• My weight is within a healthy range
• My blood pressure is lower
• I drink plenty of water to keep my body healthy

Fun & Recreation

• I use my iPod during workouts
• I invite friends to go walking with me
• I play outside with my kids

McKenna continues, “You have just taken your goal of losing 15 lbs and made it concrete. You have actions that you can see and measure. And, you are working on your goal from a variety of perspectives, rather than just focusing on the number on the scale. In starting with the big picture, you gain a vision of where you want your life to be and what steps you can take in order to make that happen. You now have some concrete feedback on what you can do to improve your life. As you begin to make changes, you will know that you are working toward your goal,”

Resolutions don’t have to fail. Making small changes in a variety of areas will increase your chances for success. If you would like to obtain information about creating a balanced life, visit: http://www.cynthiamckennacounseling.com or contact Cynthia McKenna, LPC, NCC at: cm@cynthiamckennacounseling.com

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Meditation on Light

A colleague sent the following poem...

Light

The light may feel far away.
Brighter than day
deeper than night
it lights the way to

peace.
Yes peace

is real and true and whole,
and even though we may not

    see it

light follows us
from day to day
town to town
from your deepest heart
to the hand you hold.

Perhaps it's a tree
or eight candles.
Perhaps it's Buddha
or Twelve Steps.
Perhaps you are lost

    waiting to feel
    the warmth
    of the season.

Know this, my friend,
light enfolds you
unfolds you
caresses your deepest fear
into the glow of compassion,

holds the gentle heart
of desire
with acceptance and love
transforms suffering
into joy

It is yours.
     ~ Ken Siegmann
     Compassionate Counseling
     Ken's Poetry


Happy Holidays,
Cynthia
*************
Cynthia McKenna, LPC, NCC
Counseling & Life coaching
www.cynthiamckennacounseling.com
CounselingBlog
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I like the rush hour...

I am part of Leadership Boerne, a nine month program that educates people (in this case, me) in the various components that make Boerne run. 

Yesterday was devoted to education.  We had great speakers and visited both public and private schools.  It was a terrific day.

I was a bit surprised and amused at what happened between sessions.  At every break time, 24+ adults scrambling for their cell phones and BlackBerrys, returning calls and answering emails.

I commented on this to one man who was walking and simultaneously writing email on his BlackBerry.  His response was, "I have to do this so I don't get behind." 

In the 80's, I used to listen to a Peter Gabriel song  I Have the Touch.  The song begins with:

"The time I like is the rush hour
cos I like the rush"

I thought of this song while I watched us (myself included) multitask, keep in touch with clients and employees.  We were in a state of rushing.

The refrain to  I Have the Touch says:

"Im wanting contact
Im wanting contact with you"

I think that was/is the momentum behind all of our cell phoning and blackberrying/emailing.  As humans, we crave contact.

I don't mean for this to sound pathological, because I don't think it is.  Instead, I think it is organic.  I believe we are created to live in relationship, and that creation gives us a drive to be in contact with one another.

A great deal of my counseling practice involves healing relationships and helping people get back in touch with themselves and the ones they love.

Like Peter Gabriel, we crave contact, and we  do whatever it takes to get it.

"Pull my chin, stroke my hair, scratch my nose, hug my knees
Try drink, food, cigarette, tension will not ease
I tap my fingers, fold my arms, breathe in deep, cross my legs
Shrug my shoulders, stretch my back - but nothing seems
To please

I need contact
I need contact
Nothing seems to please
I need contact"

I think this pull toward contact is part of the blessing and curse of the holidays.  We want to get together with folks we care about.  We long for loving relationships. 

Sometimes, however, our expectations get the best of us.  We want contact with others, as long as they do what we want them to do, or act the way we want them to act.

The funny thing is, of course, that this kind of dynamic actually pushes people away from us.

So how do we learn to connect with others without trying to mold them into our own image?  On our best days, we take people as they come.  But what things - current or historical - trigger the desire to only have contact on our own terms?

I welcome your response and feedback to this post. 
Cynthia
*************
Cynthia McKenna, LPC, NCC
Creating Healthy Relationships
www.cynthiamckennacounseling.com
CounselingBlog

Taking the Plunge

I love the following post from Ann Zuccardy - Ann talks about the process of deciding to leave a salaried job to pursue her solopreneurship at Vermont Shortbread

Read:  An Entrepreneur on the Brink

My reflection on this, from my own recent experience, is that Ann will know when it is time to give her notice.   

My own process was very conflicted, "Should I stay or should I go?" (with a tip of the hat to The Clash.)
but when the time came, I knew it, and knew it at a very deep level. 

I think, when we are tuned in to our intuition and can give ourselves the space to be quiet and listen, we can hear our own wisdom, our own needs, and take council from our own insights.

Good luck to you Ann, and to each of us, as we try to make the very best decisions for ourselves and our families.
Cynthia
************
Cynthia McKenna, LPC, NCC
www.cynthiamckennacounseling.com

More Musings on Martha Stewartish Holidays

My friend, Debbie Gaskins of Thomasville, GA, sent the following thoughts about holiday pressures...

I think you are right - people (myself included) had become so concerned with the perceived expectation that they have the "perfect" Christmas --decorations, meals, parties -- that they were losing the sense of Christ mas.   

 

We are striving for a more peaceful Christmas, one in which we recognize what our priorities should be and (hopefully!) are.  We are not even putting up all of our decorations any longer.  We do a lovely tree with ornaments collected for the past 30 years, not color coordinated, just an eclectic, warm tree, filled with memories.  Each ornament brings back memories as we hang them, and as we take them down I cannot help but reflect and wonder what will happen in the coming year before I see them again.    

 

We have not had the issue of grumpiness and mood swings (thank goodness!), but we are striving to keep it simple and remember and be grateful for what we have, not for what we want. 

I love that last line, "we are striving to keep it simple, and remember, and be grateful for what we have, not for what we want"

Cynthia
*************
Cynthia McKenna, LPC, NCC
www.cynthiamckennacounseling.com
CounselingBlog

More on Martha Stewart

I had great response to my musings on Martha Stewartish holidays.  Expectations and assumptions can cause grief in any situation, but things seem  particularly heightened this time of year. 

I talked - okay emailed - with some friends about holiday stress and perfectionism, here is a reflections from my friend, Dr. Deah Curry:

"Trying to live up to any glitzy ideal when that's not who we naturally are sets us up for disappointment, discouragement, and frustration, and risks turning the season's sugarplum dreams into perfect little nightmares," says Kirkland, Washington therapeutic coach Deah Curry, PhD. "When unrealistic ideals control our efforts and stress us out, we end up dreading or avoiding family interactions long after the holidays are over," Curry explains.

Now that we are past Thanksgiving and heading toward Christmas - I wonder how you all are doing with the holiday stress.  As I write "Christmas" I am well aware that all of us are not Christian, nor do we all celebrate Christmas.  However, I am being bombarded by the "buy, buy, buy!" mantra of retailers, and their point is, "give lavish gifts this Christmas."

Feel free to post a comment below or send me an email - I'll post your feedback over the next week.

Take care,
Cynthia
************

Creating Healthy Relationships

www.cynthiamckennacounseling.com