CounselingBlog

The Occasional Newsletter - April 2007

Dear Ones,

The following paragraphs offer some reflection on the Virginia Tech killings. I am mindful that some of you would rather not read anything more about the tragedy. I wanted to give you a heads-up to skip this part of the newsletter if you need to. There is an article on compatibility in the next section. CM

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The events of the past week have left a residue of sadness on us all. You may be feeling angry at the senseless violence or sad for the suffering of the families. Perhaps these killings reminded you of the grief from 9-11, or the Oklahoma City bombing, or Columbine.

We might find ourselves thinking a lot about the students, or even about the killer - trying to understand why and how this could happen. These are all normal and predictable reactions to tragedy.

Sometimes, when we are exposed to tragedy, on TV, radio, Internet, newspaper, we have trouble getting rid of the images we have seen.

People who care about others sometimes find themselves carrying thoughts and images of the trauma longer than they expected - and maybe longer than they want to. If you feel that you have been strongly effected by the killings, you might be experiencing Secondary Trauma - also known as Vicarious Trauma.

The symptoms of secondary trauma include: changes in sleeping and eating, trouble focusing, anger, anxiety, fatigue, invasive thoughts about the killings, withdrawing from others, trouble making decisions, and exhaustion.

We are more susceptible to secondary trauma if our self-care is "out of balance." If you are experiencing several of these symptoms, you will want to check to see if you are getting a good balance of work and play, solitude and social interaction, healthful eating, and regular exercise. It is likely that you will find one or more areas that could use some attention.

When we neglect our self-care, we leave ourselves vulnerable to many effects of stress, including secondary trauma. By focusing on your own health, and that of your loved ones, you will help reduce the impact of this trauma.

Here is a link to an interview I did on PTSD and secondary trauma. Author Melody Beattie is first - talking about grief, and my interview is the second half of the show.

Grief, Post Traumatic Stress, and Secondary Trauma

Please contact me if I can help you with these issues.

Cynthia
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How do you know if you two are a good match?

This is a photo of Andy and his beloved. Andy is a very fine parrot, who was visiting Boerne recently. During his stay, Andy became infatuated with this shiny Swingline stapler. Andy treated the stapler like a potential girlfriend, and performed various acts meant to attract her attention. Unfortunately for Andy, his affection was not returned.

When my friend Charlie told me about Andy and his new love, it reminded me of the many times we enter into relationships with people who are not really a good match for us. There are many reasons for this, including getting "caught up" in the rush of feelings that can accompany dating and falling in love. In the midst of this wave of good feelings, we can overlook some very important issues that can dramatically alter the health of the relationship.

Here are a few important questions to ask...

How does your partner handle anger? Does she talk about her feelings, pout, yell? Does she throw things, hurt herself or others?

Does your partner have a lot of debt? Where did the debt come from? Is there a problem with impulsive purchases and overspending?

How is your partner's relationship with his own family? Do they get along? Does your partner like his parents/siblings? If not, why?

Is there any history of abuse - verbal, physical, sexual? Has your partner had counseling to help resolve these issues?

What are her friends like? Are they people you would choose for friends? Why or why not?

If you would like to read the entire article, or would like to pass it on to someone who is in a new relationship, just send me an email and I will send you, "Questions to ask before you say, "I Do" -

Send your email request to: cmck@gvtc.com
***
Photo courtesy of Charles Kegley at the Bella Creo Gallery in Boerne

*************
Cynthia McKenna, LPC, NCC
Counseling
Healing relationships
www.cynthiamckennacounseling.com
CounselingBlog

More on Post Traumatic Stress and Secondary Trauma

I had the wonderful opportunity to be interviewed by Deborah "Doc" Watson, on HealthRadio.net. Deborah devoted an hour of her radio show to grief and PTSD.

I want to post my interview to my website and podcast, but my new computer is being fussy and won't let me open the proper program. So, for now, you can have the link to the entire show. If you do listen, Melody Beattie (author of Codependent No More) is the first interview, and my interview is the second half of the show.

Grief & Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

This has been a difficult week for the families of Virginia Tech, and many of us, in this country and around the world, are aching. I hope this interview will contribute to your understanding of grief and trauma.

Cynthia
*************
Cynthia McKenna, LPC, NCC
www.cynthiamckennacounseling.com
Healing Relationships - one heart at a time
210.557.1715

After Virginia Tech - information on Post Traumatic Stress

Like many people, I have watched CNN much of today - watching the unfolding as the horrific story of the Virginia Tech gunman and multiple murders unfolded. Truly a tragedy, and my heart goes out to the many families who are grieving tonight.

I have spent a good portion of my professional life working with and around trauma. A trauma occurs when a person
•has experienced actual or threatened death or serious injury
or
•has witnessed actual or threatened death or serious injury of another person

The effects of trauma can last a long time and the collection of symptoms can develop into Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Initial signs of PTSD can include:

feeling like you are "in a daze"

trouble sleeping

change in eating habits

being "jumpy" or easily startled

feeling very anxious

repeated checking of doors and windows to make sure they are locked

feelings of sadness

crying a lot

wanting to cry, but can't

I am including a link to some articles I wrote on the effects of trauma
Acute Stress Disorder

Post Traumatic Stress

Secondary or Vicarious Trauma

Feel free to copy these articles, just be sure to include my name as the author.

Here is the entire article on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder:

The Body Responds To Trauma - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

by Cynthia McKenna LPC, NCC

Trauma can affect our physical and emotional well-being. It results when an event causes a person to feel an overwhelming sense of vulnerability and loss of control. Unexpected traumatic events can happen to anyone. Some people will get through a trauma without many after-effects. However, some people will be profoundly affected. These factors affect the trauma response:

Level of stress in life before trauma occurs
Tendency to keep things inside rather than talking about them

History of prior traumas

This trauma is unexpected

This traumatic event comes without much warning

personality and coping style will effect trauma response

lack of support system

degree of threat or loss

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) occurs when a person has been exposed to a traumatic event in which:

they have witnessed or experienced an event that involves actual or threatened serious injury or death of self or others

and/or

their response to this event includes intense fear, helplessness, and/or horror

The following symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder will show up quickly, and will last for more than one month. Following a severe trauma, a person may experience:

feeling numb, or "in a daze"

tries not to think about the event but has intrusive memories of the trauma - images, thoughts, sensory memories

recurrent stressful dreams of the traumatic event

intrusive, vivid memories of the trauma that cause a person to feel as if they are reliving the event (flashbacks)

hypersensitivity to stimuli that remind them of the traumatic event

avoidance of people or places that might be reminders of the trauma

change in eating and/or sleeping habits

increased irritability

easily startled

hypervigilance – constantly checking their surroundings to make sure they are safe

trouble focusing

sense of loss or sadness

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was first recorded following World War I, and used to be known as shell shock, war neurosis, or combat fatigue. However, severe trauma, (and PTSD) can come from many sources including: violent crimes such as rape, incest, robbery, assault, murder, car accidents, accidents at work, unexpected death of a close friend or relative, fire, natural disasters such as tornadoes and hurricanes.

If you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or are close to someone who has PTSD, it is important to remember that help is available. Many people find relief through talking with a therapist or counselor. The therapeutic relationship can help normalize the symptoms and let the person know that they are not alone. Treatment often includes learning various relaxation techniques to reduce anxiety and bring about a sense of peace. Therapists may also use special treatment modalities to help the person resolve the trauma. These treatments might include Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, also known as EMDR, or hypnotherapy. Recovery from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can be a slow process. Again, it depends a lot on the person’s history of trauma and their individual coping style. PTSD does not have to dominate your life. You can get help. You can feel better.

**************

Cynthia McKenna, LPC, NCC
Counseling
Helping individuals and couples heal their relationships
www.cynthiamckennacounseling.com
210.557.1715