One week later - still no new information

It has been a week now since Linda Muegge was killed. Her funeral was lovely and the church was packed - that was a nice tribute all in itself.

I had a chance to drive past her former home on the way out of town - it was so much worse than I had imagined. Truly a burnt out shell of the lovely home it had been. It was lifeless, and surrounded with that yellow crime scene tape.I keep wishing someone would tell me what happened. But as far as I know, the investigators really don't know - I hope they find answers soon.

This just sucks.

There are so many mementos of Linda around my house. The table on the screened porch was the product of a shopping day we had at the Fredericksburg Market Days. I have a CD she gave me playing during many of my therapy session (Deva Premal in case you are interested). Little memories, photos, bits of a lively woman who had her life taken from her.

Many folks have come across this blog in searching for info on Linda - If you are just surfing by, looking for info, I welcome your thoughts and comments - just click the "comment" button at the bottom of this post and you'll be guided through a little form.

The counselor in me wants to say that writing out your thoughts, and talking about your grief, can really help.

The "friend of Linda" in me wants to say, "I am so sorry for us all - this is just terribly sad."

There are many stages of grief - you probably know them: denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance. Despite what Kubler-Ross said, grief doesn't always come in that orderly way. It takes its own time, and depending on our own personal coping styles and emotional health - it leaves in its own time too.

I am still in denial - or disbelief. It doesn't make sense to me, and my brain keeps trying to find some logic to something that is simply not logical. I have felt very sad too - depression? maybe. But I think feeling down after a friend dies makes a whole lot of sense.

I started CounselingBlog to help get the word out about counseling, to help my readers get through life's challenges. I am writing about my own grief now in hopes that it will be helpful.

Say, "I love you," to the people you love. It is worth doing. It is worth cherishing the time you have together.

Cynthia
*************
Cynthia McKenna, LPC, NCC
Healing relationships - one heart at a time
www.cynthiamckennacounseling.com
CounselingBlog

Comments

[Dina]

Cynthia,

I am so sorry for your loss. I don't even know what to say.

Horrible, a horrible situation.

You have my sympathy.

[Cynthia McKenna LPC, NCC]

Dina
it is hard to know what to say - I don't know what to say. I appreciate your kind words.
Cynthia

[Emily]

"grief doesn't always come in that orderly way. It takes its own time, and depending on our own personal coping styles and emotional health - it leaves in its own time too."

So true... When my oldest friend in the world (the one I had know the longest I mean) died in a car accident, I had just taken a death, grief and bereavement class. I kept asking my professor if everything I was feeling was normal...even though it had just been taught in class. Going through it is so different.

[Cynthia McKenna LPC, NCC]

Emily,
You are right - the distance between learning/reading about something and actually knowing it at a deep level is sometimes very great. I appreciate you sharing your reflections.

Cynthia

[Shawn Umphress]

Hi, Cynthia:

Linda was a friend of mine also. She and I took yoga together for the last three years. I have seen what became of her lovely home. I am still absolutely shocked that this happened to her. I had just seen her in our yoga class, right before this terrible thing happened. I can hardly stand the violence of it. She was to gentle of a person for this to happen too. Too kind, too good. How can this kind of nightmare be reality? I am saddened to the core. I admired her very much in many ways. From her beautiful yoga poses to her incredibly kind spirit. She was the kind of person you wanted to be around, in hopes that some of her goodness would rub off on you. I will remember her always, as I am sure you will. She inspires me to do more, because the world has lost such a kind and genourous contributor. Shawn

[Ann Zuccardy]

Hi Cynthia,

I'm just reading this now...a week after you wrote it. I am sending healing thoughts and love to Texas.

Ann

[Cynthia McKenna LPC, NCC]

Shawn,
I can't imagine how this feels to you - to have just seen her before she was killed.

Violence has never made sense to me, and even more so now that our friend has been murdered.

I appreciate you taking the time to post your thoughts.

I hope we have answers soon.

Cynthia

[Cynthia McKenna LPC, NCC]

Dear Ann,
thanks for your thoughts. We are doing a lot better - time does help.

Cynthia

[Alex]

Dear Cynthia,

I knew Linda, and I know Fredericksburg-- but I live in San Diego. Linda's death has haunted me all these days. I've never known anyone who was murdered. I certainly never in a million years would have believed that the first person I would have known to die in such horrible violence would have been a resident of Fredericksburg. I didn't know Linda well, but I knew her well enough to know how completely she embodied the best of a most wonderful community. Since I'm not there, I can't grieve in the arms of others. Your blog gives me a chance to cry and to write. I heard from my mother that the past year was a particularly happy one for Linda. I loved reading that she was in yoga, and that someone had loved her yoga poses. Those are the small things grieving community members share, and here I am doing the same, but online. What I remember about Linda was her kick-ass spirit. She was a fireball. She never minced words, and she was forthright. No shillyshallying about her. Her energy was focused, and I loved hearing how she fed so many. She was definitely a Martha, thank God. Thank you for your postings. I was frustrated that I couldn't find an online obituary site to read more about Linda's life. What I believe is that in life and in her death, Linda represents the beauty of a very special community. Alex Finlayson, Julie Roseberry's daughter

[Cynthia McKenna LPC, NCC]

Alex,
thank you for your post. I honestly thought about starting a Linda Muegge blog after she was killed - but it never happened so these few posts will have to do fur my offering.

Kick-ass spirit is right - she had a zest for life, that is certain.

Her funeral was lovely - that little Episcopal chruch in Fredericksburg was bursting at the seams - 300 people is what the usher told me. It was certainly standing room only in the sanctuary.

I am hoping to go leave some flowers by her gate this week - I'll put one in for you.
Cynthia

[Alex]

Thanks, Cynthia. My mother was one of the readers in the service. She told me that it was one of the largest funerals in her memory, which, in Fredericksburg and at St. Barnabas Church is saying alot. Even now, on the phone my mother's voice is so heavy with sadness. I am glad people are leaving flowers by the gate. Thanks for thinking of me, too.

[Cynthia McKenna LPC, NCC]

Alex,
I can understand the sadness in your mom's voice. I think the folks who live and work in Fredericksburg have a very palpable sense of Linda's absence.

Besides being a counselor, I am an Epsicopal priest, and I was VERY impressed with both the liturgy and the way the church handled so many people with such grace.

I am so glad you found this blog post - your contributions mean a lot.
Cynthia
ps - I am still laughing at your "No shillyshallying" both because it is true about Linda, and also it is just a great word - and one I don't often hear

[Nancy Quay]

Cynthia, I just read your posts about the death of your friend Linda. Please accept my sincere sympathy for this incredible loss. She sounds like she was a wonderful, warm person who touched many lives. I'm so sorry.

[Cynthia McKenna LPC, NCC]

Nancy,
You are so kind. Linda was a character - and had a very good heart. Every day gets better - but it is still troubling.

I appreciate you reading my blog. I want to keep this thread going, but it is probably time to post something else...we'll see what tomorrow brings.

Thanks again,
Cynthia