Can You Inherit Unhealthy Boundaries?
If you have trouble saying no to people, if you find that you give TMI to people you barely know, you might want to give some attention to your own boundaries.
However, it is also reasonable to ask, "Why don't I have healthy boundaries?"
The short answer is that boundaries reflect your own sense of self and your self-esteem. Both of these are formed very early in our lives. Some kids aren't give a strong sense of self, self control, self esteem - but why?
If the parents don't have great self-esteem, it is pretty difficult for them to give their kids good self esteem. If the parents have blurry boundaries, they teach their kids to have blurry boundaries.
The thing is, no one does this on purpose. Parents do the very best they can. But if your parents did not give you the boundary strength you needed as a child, you can absolutely learn how to have healthier boundaries as an adult.
Cynthia
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This is so true. I work as a family therapist in a homeless shelter in Austin and I can see boundary patterns being passed down through as many as three generations at a time.
Good article!
Kellen
www.kellevision.com
Posted by: Kellen | 08 September 2008 at 01:40 PM