Unhealthy Boundaries

• Trusting no one - trusting anyone - black and white thinking

• Telling all

• Talking at intimate level on first meeting

• Falling in love with a new acquaintance

• Falling in love with anyone who reaches out

• Being overwhelmed by a person - preoccupied

• Acting on first sexual impulse

• Being sexual for partner, not self

• Going against personal values or rights to please others

• Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries

• Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries

• Accepting food, gifts, touch, sex that you don't want

• Touching a person without asking

• Taking as much as you can get for the sake of getting

• Giving as much as you can give for the sake of giving

• Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you

• Letting others direct your life

• Letting others describe your reality

• Letting others define you

• Believing others can anticipate your needs

• Expecting others to fill your needs automatically

• Falling apart so someone will take care of you

• Self abuse

• Sexual and physical abuse

• Food abuse

(original source unknown)

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Cynthia McKenna

www.cynthiamckennacounseling.com

Comments

[Dina]

Great list Cynthia! Two of these triggered memories for me. The first was "telling at an intimate level on first meeting" (I like to call it over-sharing).

When I was in high school I had this knack for attracting girls who somehow felt the need to latch on to me in places like gym class and tell me strange facts of their personal lives that I absolutely did not need to know.

There were two girls who had somewhat unconventional lives in my class. One girl had extremely devout Christian parents but her father cheated on her mom with the choir leader or something to that effect. The other once said something about having parents who "once lived on a commune" and "I was stuffed into a suitcase and shot at" (I'm laughing now because it sounds so ridiculous - but I swear that was one of the first "stories" she shared with me and I immediately thought "FREAK!" - not because I wanted to ridicule her misfortune, but because it was the wrong time to share).

I remember being young and finding it tough to escape these girls even though I really had no interest in being their friend. I guess I was a bit overly nice at the time.

The other one that gave me flashbacks was about accepting gifts you don't want. I had a male friend who used to try and buy me things/pay my way/buy me extra thoughtful birthday gifts/housewarming gifts. I sensed that this was just his way of trying to suck me in (we didn't have that kind of relationship) and I had to make an extreme effort to either NOT accept the gifts (they were presented so casually). Or, if I were to let him pay my way, I'd reciprocate in kind with, say, a guy gift like a case of beer or something. I remember that managing the whole ordeal was difficult. He made me feel suffocated. We didn't remain friends for long. It's too bad though, he was a good person and had a great sense of humor - just clingy.

I'll bet people who are controlling often have no idea that they're controlling.

Anyway, thanks for posting the list. Good thoughts here.